So at my last MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting, we had the safety officer of COMEC come out to speak. He told a statistic that shocked me. He said that by the time a child is 10 years old, he/she has seen at least 10,000 acts of violence. I thought to myself, "There is no way that Will will see that many...."
Fast forward to later that night. I was sitting in the living room playing with Will. Daniel was out of town, so, of course, the TV was on to provide that comforting back ground noise. For some reason the house seems to creak more when he is not here and send me into panic mode. Anyway, as we sit there playing, some show in the category with CIS, NCIS, Criminal Minds, etc... came on. Neither one of us were paying attention...that is until a loud scream caused us both to look up. At that moment a girl was watching a guy who had obviously been holding her hostage, kill her boyfriend/hubby (not sure what he was). It was so violent. He stabbed the guy probably 10 times and then looked up at the girl with blood all over his body and face.
The fact that I saw this didn't phase me because I watch these shows a lot. It was the fact that I realized that my 2 year old son had witnessed this that bothered me. Sure it was accidental, but just sitting there watching his little eyes look up at that screen made my stomach hurt. I know he may not have known what happened, but it was apparent that he was taken a little aback. His little eyes were huge. As soon as it registered (this all took place in about 5 seconds) I grabbed the remote and changed the channel. I couldn't undo it, but I could make sure he didn't see any more than he had already.
With all this said, I realize that there are times when I will feel I have failed as a parent (like the aforementioned night), but there will also be times I will feel like the best parent ever. All I know is that if the TV is ever on for background noise again, it will be on Sprout, Disney or some other channel that I know will be violence free. Lesson learned. I also realize that during the next 10 years. I only have 9,999 more times to slip up in this way so that Will is not a part of that statistic.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My little epiphany
I had a great day today. I am blessed with so many wonderful friends that I feel know the true me. I don't have to act a certain way, like certain things, wear certain clothes....they just like me. I wish I could convey how refeshing that feels. I have spent my life trying to be comfortable in my own skin. I have huge self image issues and I don't think I have ever been satisfied with myself. At this point in my life, I really think I am closer to content than I have ever been. Sure, I would love to lose 10lbs, but I have come to realize that losing that 10lbs will not magically make my life perfect. I am a pretty lucky gal regardless. I have a wonderful husband, a loving marriage, an adorable little boy, the best parents/family, an awesome network of friends, in-laws I love as if they were my own parents (that is rare), and a growing relationship with the Lord. All in all, I cannot complain.....and it feels good to say that I am truly happy. The Lord has blessed me in more ways than I can count.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Dilemmas
I really have a dilemma that I think about constantly. I love being a stay at home mom. I get to watch my little boy grow and learn new things everyday, I have a couple "off" days while he is at mother's day out to get some housework done, and I get to spend beautiful days outside playing. However, I have a huge complex about not contributing to the household in the form of a paycheck.
I know there are women out there who long to be in my position and would slap me if they could, but let me explain my why I feel this way. First of all, my mom always worked. I never had a mom that stayed at home and I think that is part of the reason I feel this way. She always worked and brought in a paycheck because she had to in order for my sister and I to have things we wanted and not just needed. When I was little I loved to dress up in her work clothes and heels and I always thought it was cool to go and visit her at her office. I guess these are some of the reasons it seems natural to me that I should have a job.
Another reason I struggle is because I always feel I am spending my hubby's hard earned money. He constantly assures me that it is our money regardless of where it comes from, but I just cannot seem to get that into my belief system. He praises my ability to keep our house in clean and smooth running order, but, in my opinion, that is something I did prior to kids so why would I not do it now (job or no job)? When I go to purchase something, I automatically question myself multiple times because I don't want to throw away money that I watch my husband bust his tail to earn. I guess I think if I worked I wouldn't feel such guilt.
I also feel, at times, that I have no goals or purpose. I am just here...cleaning the house, washing the laundry, changing dirty diapers, cooking dinner, etc, etc, etc.... I know this is only me being super tough on myself, but that little devil is still perched on my shoulder saying, "You know you could be doing something more....."
I am just going to hold tight to that old saying, "The grass is not always greener on the other side." I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I went back to work now, I would kick myself. I would long for the days when I was a stay at home mom and I would ache for those precious moments with my son. I would loathe having to get dressed up everyday, despise having to rush in the mornings, be upset by missing Will's MDO activities, and I would constantly wish the weekends were longer. Oh, and let me not forget to mention how much I would miss all of my other stay at home mom buddies.
So all in all, I guess I can just suck it up and know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing during this brief season of my life.
I know there are women out there who long to be in my position and would slap me if they could, but let me explain my why I feel this way. First of all, my mom always worked. I never had a mom that stayed at home and I think that is part of the reason I feel this way. She always worked and brought in a paycheck because she had to in order for my sister and I to have things we wanted and not just needed. When I was little I loved to dress up in her work clothes and heels and I always thought it was cool to go and visit her at her office. I guess these are some of the reasons it seems natural to me that I should have a job.
Another reason I struggle is because I always feel I am spending my hubby's hard earned money. He constantly assures me that it is our money regardless of where it comes from, but I just cannot seem to get that into my belief system. He praises my ability to keep our house in clean and smooth running order, but, in my opinion, that is something I did prior to kids so why would I not do it now (job or no job)? When I go to purchase something, I automatically question myself multiple times because I don't want to throw away money that I watch my husband bust his tail to earn. I guess I think if I worked I wouldn't feel such guilt.
I also feel, at times, that I have no goals or purpose. I am just here...cleaning the house, washing the laundry, changing dirty diapers, cooking dinner, etc, etc, etc.... I know this is only me being super tough on myself, but that little devil is still perched on my shoulder saying, "You know you could be doing something more....."
I am just going to hold tight to that old saying, "The grass is not always greener on the other side." I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I went back to work now, I would kick myself. I would long for the days when I was a stay at home mom and I would ache for those precious moments with my son. I would loathe having to get dressed up everyday, despise having to rush in the mornings, be upset by missing Will's MDO activities, and I would constantly wish the weekends were longer. Oh, and let me not forget to mention how much I would miss all of my other stay at home mom buddies.
So all in all, I guess I can just suck it up and know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing during this brief season of my life.
Monday, April 26, 2010
So I am starting a new blog.....
I had a blog a couple of years back, but I think I may have posted on it a total of 3 times. Will is now getting to the age where there are things he says and does that I want to have a record of SO I am going to give this another go.
I am also going to use this as a place to get those random thoughts out of my head. I will sit and think about the craziest things and I just need a place to put them. As a stay at home mom, your time with adults is limited. I also hope this will help me connect with some other people out there who just need some more social interaction or just a laugh or chuckle from time to time.
Well.....here goes....
I will start with a funny from my son. We visited my parents a couple of weeks ago to see Thomas the Tank Engine. Will had a wonderful time at the Thomas event and we got in a lot of good, quality "visiting" (as we say in the south) with my family.
My dad has a Big, Green Egg and it is his pride and joy (aside from his grandkids, that is). He loves to cook on that thing and I must admit that it is the best grilling gadget I have come in contact with. Needless to say, our first night there we got mouth watering steaks, and the second night we got fall-off-the-bone ribs. Absolutely delicious!
While my dad was cooking, Will was playing around outside. He knows his colors pretty well, so my dad (aka Pappy) started asking Will the colors things different things around them. The conversation went something like this...
Pappy: "Will, what color is daddy's truck?"
Will: "Black."
P: "What color is Pappy's truck?"
W: "Red.
P: "What color is Pappy's tractor?"
W: "Orange."
P: (as he points to the big, green egg) "Will, what color is this?"
W: "Yummy!"
I love little stories like that, but I tend to forget them after a while. Maybe this will be my way of journaling, scrapbooking, etc.... (all those other things good moms do that I can't seem to find time for).
Later!
I am also going to use this as a place to get those random thoughts out of my head. I will sit and think about the craziest things and I just need a place to put them. As a stay at home mom, your time with adults is limited. I also hope this will help me connect with some other people out there who just need some more social interaction or just a laugh or chuckle from time to time.
Well.....here goes....
I will start with a funny from my son. We visited my parents a couple of weeks ago to see Thomas the Tank Engine. Will had a wonderful time at the Thomas event and we got in a lot of good, quality "visiting" (as we say in the south) with my family.
My dad has a Big, Green Egg and it is his pride and joy (aside from his grandkids, that is). He loves to cook on that thing and I must admit that it is the best grilling gadget I have come in contact with. Needless to say, our first night there we got mouth watering steaks, and the second night we got fall-off-the-bone ribs. Absolutely delicious!
While my dad was cooking, Will was playing around outside. He knows his colors pretty well, so my dad (aka Pappy) started asking Will the colors things different things around them. The conversation went something like this...
Pappy: "Will, what color is daddy's truck?"
Will: "Black."
P: "What color is Pappy's truck?"
W: "Red.
P: "What color is Pappy's tractor?"
W: "Orange."
P: (as he points to the big, green egg) "Will, what color is this?"
W: "Yummy!"
I love little stories like that, but I tend to forget them after a while. Maybe this will be my way of journaling, scrapbooking, etc.... (all those other things good moms do that I can't seem to find time for).
Later!
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