Looking for joy, enduring the pain...

     So I went for my first "long run" of my half marathon training this past Sunday. Let me add that I consider anything over 5 miles a long run. This particular one was 7 miles.

     I had been doing 3-5 miles, a couple times a week for maintenance, but I was doing it on a flat, indoor track. This 7 miler was outside on the hills of Brentwood (if you have ran in Brentwood, you know what I am talking about). It just about KILLED me! I did not think I would make it. My poor husband, who is currently training for his first marathon, endured it with me. I know it was like going for a walk for him, but he stayed back with me.

After Mercedes Half 2012 - Our PR!

     After I suffered through it, complained about how hard it was, asked incessantly how far we had to go, I remembered my last blog. You know the one about finding joy in everything.....well I was already succumbing to the old me. I was focusing on the hurt, how long it was taking me to do this in comparison to past runs, and scolding myself because there is no way I would be able to run 13.1 by February. So for that last mile, I found some things to enjoy about this run. First of all, I love being able to be out and enjoying a beautiful day. I love the fact that with each step, no matter how painful, I am bettering myself for my husband and kids. I will be a stronger person inside and out for doing this. Most of all, I love that my husband was there with me every step of the way. If I walked, he walked, despite me urging him to go on because I would meet him at the end. These things may seem trivial, but for me, the ultimate Negative Nancy when it comes to finding positives in pain, this was HUGE.

     As a side note, I was not 100% for that run. I realized that today when I had to go to the doctor because my throat was on fire and my glands were swollen. I see now, with my 20/20 hindsight, that I have been coming down with this crud since last Friday. I haven't felt great, but any mother can tell you that fatigue is usually just chalked up to running with the kiddos all day and not getting a good nights rest. I see now that what ever this is was creeping its way into my body. So, maybe it was a good run and was just shadowed by this viral demon. I guess we will find out on my next 7 miler this weekend.

      Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your families and/or friends and eat lots of delicious food!!!

It has been awhile....

     My friend, Lauren, is probably already laughing at this title. She has been telling me for months that I need to start my blogging again. I had the best intentions of blogging about my marathon training, but I wimped out and decided to just do the half instead. I have to prepare myself mentally to do another full marathon and I have not had the time to psych my self up about it. So I just decided to start blogging again anyway. I am not really sure where this entry will go, but I am just going to type. 
     
     It is so quiet in my house right now. My husband is out of town for the night, the boys are put to bed and the only sound is the pecking of my fingers on the keyboard. It is times like these when I tend to do my deepest thinking. I was just sitting in the playroom today playing with Daniel and the boys when I realized that my sweet Jack is not a "baby" anymore. Life is beautifully cruel in that way. I long for things to happen, but when they have come and gone, I long to go back. Then when  I am sitting around thinking about that wonderful time, I realize that I didn't truly relish or enjoy it because I was already focused on the next thing to come. Am I making any sense?

    That is why life is beautifully cruel. You spend so many hours preparing for moments....first days of school, college, marriage, births, holidays, vacations,  etc... And then in a moment, they are over. Just memories, beautiful memories, but memories nonetheless. Sure you can relive them through pictures, videos, blogs, etc....but that one moment will only be truly yours once. I am extremely guilty of not living in my moments. I need to learn to stop and smell the roses, even if they stink!

    I think that is what the focus of my blog is going to be for awhile. I am going to find moments in each week and truly relish them. I am going to stop what I am doing and live in the moment so that I can feel that I got every ounce of  joy, every laugh, or even every tear out of that moment. Maybe this will help me feel like I am getting more out of my life and adding more to the lives around me. Besides, isn't that what life is....a series of moments; good ones, bad ones and ugly ones that in the end tell the story of you. If there is one thing I want my life to say about me was that I truly enjoyed ALL of it. 


FUNNY STORY: As I was finishing this entry, I heard a little four year old voice calling "mommy." Usually, this would irritate me because he has been in bed for about an hour and is STILL awake. This time, though, I looked forward to this "moment." Turns out he wanted to change out of his footie pjs so he could scratch his feet??? Not sure why they were itching, but we did just that. We changed his pjs and put some lotion on his feet too. The best part? What he said as he hugged me...."Thanks mom, you're the best." 

Cast Week 3

     We had to be Gigi free this week. She had to head back after we did the prom festivities on Saturday. Thank goodness for my sister coming to help get Carlie all ready for prom! 

     Daniel was at home for 3 days so he could help if I needed it. Also, the wonderful Danielle (and Logan) came over and helped out on the day that Daniel couldn't be here. She has been a lifesaver and I am so glad I found her. 

    We got to get out and about a lot this week. We went with Daniel to get his Tennessee license. He actually STILL had his Massachusetts license (and we have not lived there since November 2008). He is lucky he didn't get pulled over. 

     On Wednesday, I went down to shower and left Will playing his games on the laptop. He is usually really good when he does this, but Daniel noticed he got very quiet. When I got out of the shower, Daniel called me upstairs to show me what he had been so quiet about. Our poor laptop had been ravaged. He had taken about 14 of keys off of the keyboard. When Daniel first caught him, Will looked up and said so innocently, "Look! I am putting these in a different order." I did my best to put them back on, but it looks like we are going to have to get some help from a computer repair shop. The space bar is a complete loss and you don't realize how much you use it until it is gone.

     On Friday, we had some company. One of Daniel's reps visited with his family. He has a little boy 2 weeks older than Will and he came to play for awhile. They had a really good time and it was nice for Daniel and I to get some adult conversation. 

     We are down to 2 weekends left in the cast if he gets it off when we go back on May 5th. It is easier to think of it in weekends rather than total days. I am anxious to get it off because I am having some contractions. We do not want our new little man to make his appearance until the cast it gone, so please pray that he stays put until then. I go back to the doc next week and she will check to see if I am dilated. I am interested to see if I am at all because with Will I never was.....my water just broke. 

    Easter is this weekend and we are excited to celebrate it. We won't be able to make it to church due to the cast, but that doesn't mean we can't worship in our own way at home. We will have Gigi, Pappy, Gram and Grampa here. We plan on dying and hunting eggs with will despite the cast so next week I will have to post pics of how that went. 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 

Here are a few pics....including some from Carlie's prom. She was gorgeous! 

Daniel and Carlie

Carlie, my huge belly, and me.

Carlie and her date, Roger

Will hamming it up while we wait on Carlie to take pics for prom

Cupcake from Aunt Lori and Carlie

YUMMY!!!!

Cast Week 2

Here are a few pics from the week. I am happy to say we are getting the hang of this cast thing.

Will loves to sit at the table on the back porch and play. He was all grins this day!

Having a snack while chilling on the couch!



Playing computer to pass the time.

Playing on the car aisle at one of his FAVORITE places......Target!



This little boy loves to swing.  Luckily, we found a swing to accomodate him at a local park. He was a happy boy!

Will is NOT a napper, but now that he has to ride in the car laying down, he tends to doze off. He sleeps so well this way, it is tempting to let him sleep here at night...lol!



Super Gigi Saves the Day (well week really)!

So it is Wednesday and this week has been wonderful. My mom (for those of you that don't know her personally, she is the best mom/gigi/person in the whole world) is here for the week to help out. She has been a life saver. She is able to handle Will like a champ. It is a win-win situation for all involved because she gets to spend precious time with her grandson and it frees me up a little to get some things done around the house. The laundry is finally caught up, the sheets on the bed are changed, and it doesn't look like World War 3 in my house.

Another plus is that we have been able to get out of the house. Will loves to ride in his wheel chair and we visited Target, Publix, and Super Suppers yesterday. Daddy also took us out to dinner at Chuy's last night. So, we haven't been stuck at the house all week like we were last week and it makes a difference in us all.

As difficult as this whole situation is, I have been forced to slow down and really spend quality time with my son. I am anxious for the cast to come off, but I don't want to wish these days away because we can never have them back. We are on the last few weeks as a family of 3 and then our lives change dramatically. I am trying to remind myself that you have to cherish even the hardest times because time is fleeting and precious and once it is gone, it is gone.

I am currently sitting here typing this while watching my mom and Will paint while watching Cars. He is having such a good time explaining what he is painting and learning to rinse the brush before getting another color. He really is learning a lot of new things because we are trying a lot of activities we would normally not do. We are usually on the go all of the time doing playdates, going to school, or running errands, so we don't get a lot of at home time just to paint, play, etc... I think that will change after this experience because he needs this time with mommy.

Week 1 in the Cast

Well, I had the best intentions to blog daily, but that went by the wayside pretty quickly. It is just going to be impossible with everything going on, so I have decided I will do at least weekly and if I have a minute here or there, I will post one mid week or so.

We have been in the cast a week now. It has been a learning experience, but now that we are in a routine it is not too bad. The first few days at home were tough at times. Will was still in pain and on pain medicine so he was definitely not himself. Loratab does not put him to sleep, it makes him silly. He was talking like crazy and just plain cuckoo. The valium made him sleepy, but those of you that know Will knows how well he fights sleep. Soooo he ended up just being kind of cranky unless we could get him in the swing or get him to sleep without him realizing what we were doing.

We had both sets of of grandparents here over the weekend to help so that helped out ALOT. Will spent a good bit of time in the swing and went on several wagon rides. On Monday, we recieved a reclining wheel chair and that has been a lifesaver. We go on daily walks, sometimes 2, we have been able to get out and about.





We acutally got out and about some as well. On Thursday we went back to the orthopedist. Will got to try out the new harness and loved riding laying down in the back seat. The doctor visit went really well too. The xrays looked great (better than usual) and so we were told we could come back in 4 weeks rather than 5. We go back on May 5th and if things look good, the cast may come off. This would be wonderful because that means we would have 2 weeks before the baby is due rather than only 1. We are praying hard that this is the case.

On Friday, Daddy took us out to lunch at Boscos. We sat on the patio at Boscos and enjoyed our lunch in the sun. It was so nice to get out of the house and do something "normal" for the first time in a couple of weeks.

The only strange/scary thing that happened this week was on Wednesday. Will called me to come and get him up out of bed. I walked into his room and he was nowhere to be seen. I panicked for a minute then realized that he had just called out so he had to be in here. That is when I saw his little casted foot sticking out from under the footboard. His bed is about a foot and a half away from the wall on one side in his room. Somehow he got himself in the floor, landed on pillows, turned to his back and then scooted down as far as he could go. It is pretty amazing he was able to do this. Needless to say, we now have some new bedrails in place. 

He has recieved some very sweet care packages. The first to arrive was from our dear friend Jonathan and Paula Bell. Will calls them "Aunt and Uncle Brother Bell." They sent him and AquaDoodle,  a new Thomas computer game, 2 coloring books, and a sticker book. It was a big hit and Will thinks it is super cool to write with water.  

Will is still doing great. Our only issue is sleep. He is not sleeping well at all. He is not in pain anymore, but he just cannot get comfortable. He is used to cuddling up with his "Cuddle, Quacky, and Ralphy," but he can't because of the cast. He has to sleep on his back propped with pillows. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable he must be. We are making it, though.

Now we are down to 4 weeks (hopefully) left in the cast. Having a child in a cast like this is kind of like having a newborn. You are so careful the first few days, then you realize that it isn't going to break. We are getting the hang of moving him around, bath time, bathroom routines, etc... so it is getting easier. His Daddy can cart him around like it is nothing.

I Wish It Had Been an April Fool's Joke

Friday morning began like any other morning. Will and I got up, settled down upstairs and had our breakfast while watching one of his favorite shows, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Next, he climbed up in my lap and cuddled for a bit, then it was time to start our day. We had big plans to meet some dear friends at Monkey Joes for some fun playtime. Well, that was not to happen.

While I was finishing my cup of coffee, Will began to play with Neely. He has a toy, one of the large tops with a handle that you push down to make it spin, and she is terrified of it. He loves to chase her around with it because she acts so crazy. As they were playing, he was running around the upstairs carrying the top. He went to turn and fell down and his leg landed on the top. He immediately rolled over and began to cry. I saw it happen and assumed it was a fall like any other and told him to shake it off. However, I quickly knew something wasn't right because his cry was not the usual cry...it was more of an "I am in PAIN" grunting cry.

I went over to check on him and noticed his little thigh had swollen immediately. I tried to stand him up and that wasn't happening. Thank goodness Daniel was working from home that day. I called him up to take a look. He always tries to look on the bright side and said, "It is probably just a bad muscle bruise." He sat upstairs holding Will for awhile to get him calmed down. Will did ok calming down, but every few minutes, the poor thing would just shake and cry out. We would later learn that was his muscles contracting to try and accomodate the broken bone.

We decided to take him to the ER at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital just to be on the safe side. Thank goodness we did! When we got there they immediately took us back. The first thing they did was put in an IV to get him some meds for pain. The little guy was brave...mommy, not so much. I had to leave the room. Once they got the morphine in him, he was able to relax and deal with the pain.

Being a brave little boy.

We waited for a while for them to have a space in xray for him. One of the doctors came in to talk with us. He told us that if it is broken there would be two possibilities due to his age. He would either be in a spica cast or they would do surgery and use flexible pins to help set the bone. Either option sounded awful to me. We just prayed it wasn't broken.

I was not allowed to go because I was pregnant, so Daniel accompanied him back to the xray room. They were gone about a half an hour, but when they returned, Daniel already knew the diagnosis. He told me it was broken and the tech had said, "It's a doozy." My heart dropped and the tears started. About that time my mother-in-law showed up, thank goodness. She stayed with us while we waited for the next step. They told us it would be a spica cast. It was a tortion fracture and very common. In fact, they said it is not rare to see 3 or 4 a week during the summer. They showed us the xray and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was broken diagonally all the way through. I cannot imagine the pain my sweet boy must have been dealing with.




The xray image they showed us


They had to put him under to set his leg and cast him. Daniel and I went back to pre op with him and stayed until they rolled him back. Then we just had to wait. The pediatric orthopedist came out and talked with us. Will had done wonderfully and they were pleased with how things looked. We went back to see him and by that time my parents had showed up. We were able to go home that day. Thankfully, we had 2 sets of grandparents who were willing to help all weekend.

The first night home was great. He got some rest and was relatively pain free due to the meds. Daniel and I, however, were completely overwhelmed.

I plan to post **hopefully** daily, even if it is just a word or two about our day. I want him to be able to look back later and read about this ordeal. This is just one of those things life throws at you sometimes, and it could ALWAYS be worse. I passed several children fighting cancer and other very serious things which helped me to be thankful that this injury will heal relatively quick and our life will go back to normal. There are parents and kids out there who don't have the same certainty. I will remind myself of that often during the next 6 weeks.