Looking for joy, enduring the pain...

     So I went for my first "long run" of my half marathon training this past Sunday. Let me add that I consider anything over 5 miles a long run. This particular one was 7 miles.

     I had been doing 3-5 miles, a couple times a week for maintenance, but I was doing it on a flat, indoor track. This 7 miler was outside on the hills of Brentwood (if you have ran in Brentwood, you know what I am talking about). It just about KILLED me! I did not think I would make it. My poor husband, who is currently training for his first marathon, endured it with me. I know it was like going for a walk for him, but he stayed back with me.

After Mercedes Half 2012 - Our PR!

     After I suffered through it, complained about how hard it was, asked incessantly how far we had to go, I remembered my last blog. You know the one about finding joy in everything.....well I was already succumbing to the old me. I was focusing on the hurt, how long it was taking me to do this in comparison to past runs, and scolding myself because there is no way I would be able to run 13.1 by February. So for that last mile, I found some things to enjoy about this run. First of all, I love being able to be out and enjoying a beautiful day. I love the fact that with each step, no matter how painful, I am bettering myself for my husband and kids. I will be a stronger person inside and out for doing this. Most of all, I love that my husband was there with me every step of the way. If I walked, he walked, despite me urging him to go on because I would meet him at the end. These things may seem trivial, but for me, the ultimate Negative Nancy when it comes to finding positives in pain, this was HUGE.

     As a side note, I was not 100% for that run. I realized that today when I had to go to the doctor because my throat was on fire and my glands were swollen. I see now, with my 20/20 hindsight, that I have been coming down with this crud since last Friday. I haven't felt great, but any mother can tell you that fatigue is usually just chalked up to running with the kiddos all day and not getting a good nights rest. I see now that what ever this is was creeping its way into my body. So, maybe it was a good run and was just shadowed by this viral demon. I guess we will find out on my next 7 miler this weekend.

      Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your families and/or friends and eat lots of delicious food!!!

It has been awhile....

     My friend, Lauren, is probably already laughing at this title. She has been telling me for months that I need to start my blogging again. I had the best intentions of blogging about my marathon training, but I wimped out and decided to just do the half instead. I have to prepare myself mentally to do another full marathon and I have not had the time to psych my self up about it. So I just decided to start blogging again anyway. I am not really sure where this entry will go, but I am just going to type. 
     
     It is so quiet in my house right now. My husband is out of town for the night, the boys are put to bed and the only sound is the pecking of my fingers on the keyboard. It is times like these when I tend to do my deepest thinking. I was just sitting in the playroom today playing with Daniel and the boys when I realized that my sweet Jack is not a "baby" anymore. Life is beautifully cruel in that way. I long for things to happen, but when they have come and gone, I long to go back. Then when  I am sitting around thinking about that wonderful time, I realize that I didn't truly relish or enjoy it because I was already focused on the next thing to come. Am I making any sense?

    That is why life is beautifully cruel. You spend so many hours preparing for moments....first days of school, college, marriage, births, holidays, vacations,  etc... And then in a moment, they are over. Just memories, beautiful memories, but memories nonetheless. Sure you can relive them through pictures, videos, blogs, etc....but that one moment will only be truly yours once. I am extremely guilty of not living in my moments. I need to learn to stop and smell the roses, even if they stink!

    I think that is what the focus of my blog is going to be for awhile. I am going to find moments in each week and truly relish them. I am going to stop what I am doing and live in the moment so that I can feel that I got every ounce of  joy, every laugh, or even every tear out of that moment. Maybe this will help me feel like I am getting more out of my life and adding more to the lives around me. Besides, isn't that what life is....a series of moments; good ones, bad ones and ugly ones that in the end tell the story of you. If there is one thing I want my life to say about me was that I truly enjoyed ALL of it. 


FUNNY STORY: As I was finishing this entry, I heard a little four year old voice calling "mommy." Usually, this would irritate me because he has been in bed for about an hour and is STILL awake. This time, though, I looked forward to this "moment." Turns out he wanted to change out of his footie pjs so he could scratch his feet??? Not sure why they were itching, but we did just that. We changed his pjs and put some lotion on his feet too. The best part? What he said as he hugged me...."Thanks mom, you're the best."